I have no resistance since my cancer treatment. Made worse by the therapy which seems to do more harm than the cancer.
So when a bug gets near its radar spots me as an easy target.
So one day feel great. Next day nearly great. That night it all shuts down.
Fever, wheezing, crushing headache, sick and pains all over. Next morning phone doctor, not in, stand in – must be virus let’s give you antibiotics in case it includes an infection.
In car feel worse and worse – insides in agony start to pass out – I am not a fainter!
Sweat pouring off me – I am scared, my wife is scared.
I lose touch with awake – my eyes go and I feel like I no longer with me. But the scary bit is that I feel my essence is worn out. The bit that is my spirit, the bit that enables my humanness has gone.
I feel death – it really feels near. Cancer has planted in my mind the possibility of death. I don’t want to die but I doubt my power to resist.
The pain eases, the sweat goes from hot to cold. My Susie gets me home and wraps me in our duvet. I am embraced by the salvation of sleep.
I am still here days later. Was I that ill? Was it a real experience?
My soul and psyche are bare and exposed.
My choice is life. My life is in my mind and my body. I must strengthen my mind to fix my body………….
This is my 2011 challenge.